Striving to be a perfect wife is absolutely exhausting—but what’s even more exhausting is expecting my husband to be perfect as well! Always believing that one of these days he will be able to just read my mind without me saying a word! Surely he knows that the trash is almost full and needs to be taken out? I’m certain that he just walked right past the 5 full baskets of laundry that need washed, dried, folded and put away? He has to know that the bed won’t make it self, the children have homework, it’s past dinner time and nobody has eaten. Right!? I mean really? Doesn’t he just know all of these things and when they need done, and if so, why is he purposefully NOT doing them?
Can I be honest with you? The Lord began to deal with me one morning, as He could surely tell without me murmuring a word, I was beyond irritated with the way things were going. We continued life day by day producing the same negative results. Annoying right? Once I became still, He told me to stop
setting unrealistic expectations! Huh? “Lord, is that really you?”.
You see, in my mind I had this picture-perfect view of how things should play out. You know- like a fairy-tale, or that perfect FICTIONAL chick flick movie! I would do the “mom duties”, and he would do the “dad duties “, and life would be stress free, flawless, and worth living! We would always have an understanding of whose job was whose, and there would never be room for misunderstanding or failure. Boy, was I ever wrong! This mindset I created actually set me up for that very thing, failure! The truth is, in marriage, it’s actually the complete opposite. It’s not about setting rules or guidelines for whose duties are whose. But instead, it’s about sacrifice, giving in areas you don’t necessarily want to, and seeing a need and going the extra mile to meet it. I don’t always have to be the one to do the laundry and dishes, and my husband shouldn’t always be the one to take out the trash and mow the yard. Instead, we should both be willing to do whatever seems necessary to satisfy the other to make our lives function as smoothly as possible! Sweet friend, the rings that we wear don’t simply signify ownership of one another, or make the statement of “taken”. They stand for far greater things like unity, commitment, and a great love that endures ALL things!
We could have saved ourselves many misunderstandings and frustrating arguments that led to disappointments, had this truth been revealed sooner! It’s truly a learning process! It’s abandoning our own desires and putting each other before ourselves. I won’t sugarcoat this for you, putting your spouse above yourself DAILY is tough- it’s trying! There are days where it can get raw and real- and my emotions erupt from the depths of my soul. But, at the end of the day, I humbly go before the Lord asking Him to once again lead me, guide me, and direct my path in becoming the wife in which He desires of me! Putting my spouse before myself, and giving all that I am, sacrificing all that I believe I deserve, till death do us part!
I can say that over the years, we have missed the mark greatly, and there is always room for improvement in our relationship with one another! I find that the more I keep my eyes on Jesus, the more love, grace, and mercy I have to extend!
I challenge you today, lay down the record of wrongs, set aside the “honey-do” list, and promise yourself to throw the unrealistic expectations out the window! Freedom is awaiting you!
In His Grip,
Sarah Abernathy
"Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, things no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
- I Corinthians 13:4-7
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