Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.
- James 1:12 ESV
Its hard! Times of waiting on The Lord are tough, painful, and sometimes they can even put our faith to the test. I can think of numerous times that I have been waiting on Gods promises to come to pass in my life. Through trials in my marriage, financial struggles, career opportunities, and much more. The waiting never gets any easier. The bible tells us to "Be still and know that I am God". I don't know about you, but for me that's easier said than done. During the seasons when everything is going smooth and trials arent hitting me square in the face it is easy to trust; to be still. However, during the seasons of utter chaos it seems impossible.
When I am reminded about one of the toughest times of waiting in my life I cant help but think of Abraham and Sarah. God had promised Abram and his wife Sarai that one day they would be parents, though they were old and had no children. When Abram was ninety-nine God changed his name to Abraham, "father of many", and He also changed Sarai's name to Sarah. I am sure you are familiar with the ending of this story.... Gods word didn't return void. He blessed Abraham and Sarah with a child, Isaac.
I cant explain to you just how much hurt and pain I endured- just how many tears I cried- how many hours I spent in prayer. I LONGED to be a mother- since I was a little girl all I wanted to do was be a mom. If I have to be honest I was just so angry at God. I just couldn't comprehend why. Why me? Why this problem? Why not now? Why can she? Why all these abortions but no child for me? The truth is I was so focused on the "why" questions that I couldn't focus on the "how" to get through this problem. I was doing more complaining than praying. I was allowing the enemy to lie to me and slowly started slipping into a depression that only God could bring me out of. At the time I was very aware that 1 in 8 coupes have trouble getting pregnant or sustaining a pregnancy. In fact I had many friends that were fighting the same battle that I was, but for those of you that can relate know just how real, raw, and emotional your own battle is that you just cant fathom the thought of taking on the burden of another. The thought of never bringing life into this world was scary to me. I am no bible scholar but I did know that God said to be fruitful and multiply and fill the Earth. I wanted to do just that. Have you ever wanted something so bad? All I could think about was that no amount of money in the world could fix my problem. I had to wait, trust, endure the season and believe that God is good and He would fulfill the promise that He had made to me! Let me tell you, He did just that! It might have looked as if I was losing the battle from the outside and the enemy had taken out my hopes of becoming a mother but, little did I know God was working on my behalf the whole time. He was always working all things together for my good.
This my friends is a captured moment of pure joy, raw emotion, and proof that God is faithful to His word! His promises are true! He is so good and I am forever thankful for our precious little Beckham Baylor Abernathy!
One thing I took away from conquering this trial is I would do things completely different if I had to endure it again. I wouldn't rush God and try taking things into my own hands, but instead I would wait, trust, and believe in Him to fulfill His promise. To those of you who are still struggling and battling in this present time, I have no words for you! I have no answers to your "whys". All I can say is run the race with endurance! Finish the good fight! Trust that God is God and He knows all and He will complete the work He has started! Don't give up and NEVER lose hope!
In His Grip,
Sarah Abernathy
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