The Nagging Wife--

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Have you ever snapped on someone who was asking for a favor from you because quite honestly you were favored out, but their reply was full of pains far greater then what you were currently experiencing- yeah me too!

I remember the response being something along the lines of -my marriage is failing, I’m about to lose everything I have, and I would rather die than live any longer.

WOW! Talk about an open mouth-insert foot moment! 

I shrunk down in my seat to what felt like the size of a marble, and quickly responded with, “of course I will do anything to help”.

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Soon after my response, the enemy began to remind me of the areas in which I struggle and unfortunately, one of them is nagging at my husband with negativity. I have been consistent in asking God to help me kill the [ nagging wife ] that rears its ugly head from time to time.

I know I know, you have never been there right? When your husband comes in from a long day of work around 10pm asking, "what’s for dinner?", all the while you yourself also worked all day, cared for the kids, put the house in order, folded six loads of laundry, and somehow managed to keep your sanity... until that moment of course, then you absolutely lose it. What a great example of Gods love and patience huh? Not hardly! When these circumstances occur I tend to vomit my anger on my husband all to find out that his day was far more grueling than mine. See the pattern here? Had I responded in love and peace instead, I might have been able to encourage and uplift him instead of tearing him down further than what the day had already done to him.

I find myself repenting shortly after I stomp away to the bathroom in utter disappointment because I responded in a nagging way, yet AGAIN! Then comes the bombarding thoughts that assist us in validating our reason for responding negatively instead of in love- 

"I do everything and then some, and he does nothing." 

"I get less sleep and take care of the kids more often."

"He’s only nice to me and willing to help if there is something in it for him."

"I never have any “me” time, and when it comes to buying things for myself- Psht FORGET IT!"

I could go on for hours making a list of thoughts that I have had in different situations- and though the thoughts are just explanations of how I am feeling, that doesn't validate them. In fact, they are the farthest from the truth! And lets just get real here- those thoughts are just planted by the enemy in our minds to add fuel to our pity party fire! When I clear my mind to actually think about the thoughts that I had, they contradict who my husband is and how he truly treats me! His love for me is unconditional-undying and I'm sure that you can say the same about yours.

Sweet friend, this was a struggle of mine for years! I have been guilty of giving the silent treatment, using damaging words, and giving looks that could kill. All of which are not the correct way to handle any complaint that I might have against my husband, or anyone else for that matter. In the past five years of our marriage, and with much prayer, God has revealed to me how my ways of responding actually do more harm than good. You see if I pause, and seek God before speaking, He is faithful to give me the words in which to respond which hold much wisdom that can then be received in love. And those thoughts that I would normally have, are then replaced with others-

"He has had a hard day, I would love to make him dinner"

"I am certain that he didn't mean for his words to harm me, I forgive him"

"He works hard everyday to provide for our family, he deserves a night to relax"

God began to work in me what my husband had been practicing all along. He has always excelled in extending grace, mercy, and patience when I am so undeserving of it, as well as consistently looking at the positive instead of the negative. He truly seeks to find the good in others no matter what. I’m certain that if we were to compare a “nagging accusations” lists my husband could have one twice as long for me than what I have for him. You see, that's not how we are to love one another. We are ONE- (Genesis 2:24). Our goal should never be to compare or tear one another down but instead to build one another up. We are on the same team- with the same goals- headed to achieve the same prize- the ultimate promise of spending eternity together in heaven!

Lord, continue to lead me in becoming a better wife. Help me in finding the good in my spouse with no intention of pointing out his flaws to demolish, tear down, or destroy who you have created him to be. Put a desire in my heart to lift him in prayer daily with a goal of seeing your will fulfilled in his life. Give me understanding of what my position as his wife entails and help me to fulfill it completely. May you bless our marriage all the days of our lives! -Amen

In His Grip,

Sarah Abernathy

"Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."

-Mark 9:10